when you drop a glass or a plate to the ground it makes a loud crashing sound. when a window shatters, a table leg breaks, or when a picture falls off the wall it makes a noise. but as for your heart, when that breaks, its completely silent.

you would think as it's so important it would make the loudest noise in the whole world, or even some sort of ceremonious sound like the crashing of cymbals or the ringing of a bell. but its silent and you almost wish there was a noise to distract you from the pain.

if there is a noise, its internal. it screams and no one can hear it but you. it screams so loud you ears ring and your head aches. it thrashes around in you chest like a great white shark caught in the sea. that's what it looks like and that's what it sounds like, thrashing, panicking, trapped. like a prisoner to its own emotions.

but that's the thing about love - no one is untouchable. it's as wild as that, as raw as an open flesh wound exposed to salty water, but when it actually breaks, its silent. you're just screaming on the inside and no one can hear it.

friends come in all differnt shapes and sizes, we all know that. so why should imgainary friends be any different? the important thing is not what we look like, but the roles we play in your bestfriends life. friends choose certain friends because thats the kind of company they are looking for at that specific time. not because their the correct height, age or have the right hair colour. its not always the case but often theres a reason why.

but if you had one, and if you could see one, doesnt mean you could see them all. you have the ability to see them, but as humans only use 10% of the brain, you wouldnt believe the other abilities there are. there are so many other wonderful things that eyes could see if they really focuses.

lifes kind of like a painting. a really bizarre abstract painting.you could look at it and think that it is all a blur and you can continue living your life thinking that all it is is a blur. but if you really look at it, really see it, focus on it and use your imagination, life can become so much more. that painting could be of the sea, the sky, people, buildings, a butterfly on a flower or anything except the blur you were once convinced it was.

imaginary/ invisible friends, call them what you like. maybe you believe in them. maybe you dont. the point is, its not important. like most people who do truly great work, they dont exist to be talked about and praised. they exist to serve the needs of those who need us. maybe they dont exist at all. maybe they're just figments of peoples imaginations. maybe its just pure coincidence that children of two who can barely speak, all decide to start making friends with people only adults cant see. maybe all those doctors and pyschotherapists are right to suggest that they are merely developing their imagination.

or humour me for a second. is there possibly another explaination that you havent thought about entirely? the possibility that they DO exist. that they are here to help and assist those who need them, who believe in believing and who can therefore see them.

i think that theres a silver lining to every cloud. and if their better friends than normal friends, if their better than pizza, better than olives, better than fridays and better than spinning, then having one would be the biggest silver lining of all.

sometimes i feel like... im moving in slow motion. like im moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving so fast and i just wanna go back... to when things were normal... when i wasnt like that. but i am, so i cant. and im.. just stuck. and theres all this pressure cause you are hovering around me waiting for me to do something or say some thing or flip out or yell or cry some more and im happy to play my part. im happy to say the lines and do what ever it is that im supposed to be doing if it will make everyone feel more comfortable... but i dont know how to do this. i dont know how to be this person. i dont know who this person is.

ever heard of romeo and juliet? well everyone thinks its brilliant. well, i think juliet was an idiot. for one thing, she falls for the one guy she knows she cant have... everyone thinks its so romantic: romeo and juliet, true love... how sad. if juliet was stupid enough to fall for the enemy, drink a bottle of poison, and go to sleep in a mausoleum, then she deserved everything she got.

but someone once explained to me that when fate comes into play, choice sometimes goes out the window. maybe romeo and juliet were fated to be together, but just for a while, and then their time passed. if they could have known that beforehand, maybe it all would have been okay. I told that someone that when i was grown up, id take fate into my own hands. i wouldnt let some guy drag me down. that person said that id be lucky if i ever had that kind of passion with someone, and if i did, we would be together forever. even now, i believe that for the most part, love is about choices. its about putting down the poison and the dagger and making your own happy ending... most of the time. and sometimes, despite all your best intentions, fate wins anyway.

im like totally psyched about the realease of harry potter & the deathly hallows! i've been practically deliberately spoiling my eyesight ever since i got my filthy hands on that book. honestly its extremely hard to put it down, let alone, have your eyes off it! know that i kinda love&hate spoilers at the same time! haha! like i said 'everybody wants to know the ending of a great story' and meaning, GREAT BEYOND GREAT&AWESOME! (DISCLAIMER: if you dont wanna know the ending, dont read the next line lar! DONT SAY I NEVER WARNED YOU,MEOOWWWW!) its kinda sad that snape&moody&dobby had to die tho, but, HAHA i dont really care, as long as nothing happened to ron&harry! and its kinda funny that voldemort died with just one spell. kinda ironic, like after everything(including almost dying). well to think that i couldnt put the damn book down says alot right? AIYA JUST GO READ IT CAN.

anyways, yanno on sunday, after i did my part on ze management project, i like totally felt a great senze of accomplishment! so i totally took ze whole day off watching OTHS3 again.(HAHA NOW IM TALKING LIKE FLEUR) ohk.... shutup. anyway, i've been wondering how i have suddenly such great stamina glue-ing my ass to the sofa all day long. even if its just bumming around. but i just feel so lazy, yanno? yanno feli yanno yanno yanno?

&i wanna let you in on a secret. after so many months of schooling in ngeeann(yes i study there gombers) i feel like..i've learnt rather nothing. and i dont know what i've been doing in school. i sit in the atrium, and watch people from different courses stride past me, then it struck me. i think poly=mass number of people attending school who are completely clueless about what their doing. there are 4 types of people within these creatures.

there are the guys just come to see what they cannot touch(rather pathetic actually), girls who overdress just for school(errr.. wonder how zey do it every morning, alot of covering em hideous face up with piles and piles of make up.) then there are people like me&felicia, who come to school dressing like we're going to the wet market to get some 1kg of sotong and prawns. basically to us, school=home! then there arre nargles, errr. mm. dont wanna get into that, basically the rest of them fried chicken wings.(i dont know but 'fried chicken wings' keep coming to my head leh). aiya i dont know, i dont get school.

anyways, i lovvve one tree hill and S5 is coming up just after the new year, so i-cannot-wait! *jumps-for-frickkkin-joy*(yeah right).

" you know, it's been said that we just don't recognise the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. we grow complacent with things or ideas or people, and we take them for granted. and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you've realised how wrong you've been, that you realised how much you need it, how much you love it.

you ever heard of the expression 'the best things in life are free'. well, that expression is true. every once in awhile, people step up, they rise above themselves. sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short. life's funny sometimes. it can push pretty hard, but if you look close enough, you can find hope in words, in the bars of the song, in the eyes of someone you love. and if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back. "

pointsunderneath

and i am a hostage to my own humanity, self detained and forced to live in this mess i've made and all i'm asking is for you to do what you can with me, but I can't ask you to give what you already gave.

when the world stood and laughed, poked, proded and taunted. i knew it was up to us to prove them wrong. but silly me, thinking it'd all work out. so isn't it funny how words can ruin everything. when things you shove away finally break free. the people you know you'll hurt, the necessary evil they call it, and you walk away because things might not go the way you want. what if the one person you walked away from never comes back, what then? would you risk it all by letting go? but if you could see me now, you'll see that there's no hate, just love and the hope that you'd see it. so know that i'm always standing in your doorway, because i'm not going anywhere.

i want to let you in on a secret, i'm not who you think i am, in fact, my disguise is so thin, i'm surprised you haven't seen right through me. i'm the girl of your dreams masquerading as your best friend. and when i finally ripped off this facade, you got scared and ran away again. someone once told me there are two types of girls: the ones you grow out of, and the ones you grow into. i really hope i'm the latter. i may not be the one you love today, but i'll let you go for now, hoping that one day you'll fly back to me because i think you're worth the wait.

its been said that any one person in the world is connected to another by only 6(or less) degree(s) of seperation. 6 billion souls. yet, people seem to be more distant than ever before. but heres the silver lining. because out of that 6 billion hearts waiting to be caught, isn't it funny how even through the distance and loneliness, people manage to find that ONE person, the best friend, soulmate or whatever you call it, that one needle in the haystack of haystacks and actually not wonder how remarkable a feat that is.

isn't it funny how things change. yeah i know, things change all the time, but sometimes, changes are huge, meaning abnormal. and i've never really felt that feeling before, until now. its like something hit me. yanno, like at a point in your life.. there're people whom you thought you'd be close with for the rest of your life, and now, thats not so true anymore. i feel kinda sad actually. i really do. because we can say it, but it isn't anymore.. is it? and its difficult to revert to old ways, cause let's face it.. things aren't even remotely close to the way they were anymore.

when you get to know, like know, people again. its difficult to put into words, because it would be sorely inadequate. you feel happy with the people whom you always hung out with, but then you realised, hey, that wasn't really them. and you feel grateful that they've let you in, into their world and accept you. and that feeling my friends, is the nicest feeling of all.

and then there are times where you had that endless amount of fun and never wanted it to end. and i guess, its purpose was just that in itself, fun. or during that period of absolute loneliness, when some lose their way, and you felt like you were falling, and by instinct, reached out to people, and surprise, because they break your fall.

but i guess that's how things are. people come and go, they change, interests change, and then it happens. before you know it, you've change. and when you realise this change, the sadness comes. all we can do is to not lose the person completely and try like hell to keep those around you now, cause sooner or later.. change happens and all ur left with.. are memories to keep.

( i know i've got stubs for fingers): )HAHAHA LOOK AT FELI, SHE LOOKS EXTREMELY HAPPY. HAHAHHAHAHA. FELI RHYMES WITH HAPPY. I REALISED. HAHAHAHAA. say 'thingy' like 'thin-GHHYYYYY' so its like.. thinghey or thingey or thingi. you know thingi? your indian mother's name? yeah just like that. you know, i know that sometimes i speak very smartly and sometimes everything that comes out of my mouth are rubbish. sometimes i wonder if i've got split personalities, like that hero from heroes. yanno? does that make me a hero too? &mmm, i realised that i really laugh at everything. both jonathans from my class say i laugh at everything. i need to stop. but with felicia around i dont know how. have you seen how retarded she can be? or how short weiling is? or how yu song reminds me of cheekiang?!??!?!?!
or maybe its just me.. maybe im retarded and highly disturbed by wandering spirits. HAHAA nah dont think so. i think maybe kahtien is. yup. definitely him. or her? it maybe? aiya im still trying to figure out.

you are the ink to my paper, where my pen is to my pad. the moral, the very fibre. the whole substance to what i am. you are my reason for being, the meaning of my existance. if it wasn't for you i would never be able to spit this as intense as i do, and the irony is you rely on me as much as i rely on you to inspire me like you do. you provide me the lighter fluid the fuel to my fire. you're my entire supply of gas, the match and igniter. the only way that i'm able to stay so stable is you're the legs to table, if you were to break i'd fall on my face. but i'm always gonna make you feel i don't need you as much as i really need you, so you don't use it to your advantage. but you're essential to me, you're the air i breathe. i believe if you ever leave me i'd probably have no reason to be. you are the word that i'm looking for when im trying to describe how i feel inside, and the right one just wont come out to my mind. you're like the pillow that props me up &the beam that supports me. and no matter now much too much is never enough.

do people find it hard to appreciate what they have? rather than lose it and regret it all over again? being an asshole to someone and making them leave you is one thing, but being and asshole to someone and making them leave you and then you coming back into their lives makes you.. a massive asshole with no brains and no future with any girl. ohk, my point is, why cant people be grateful with what they have, and not only when they lose it then realise what was there is not anymore, then sob &mope &weep &whine &give everyone else a living hell. is this some kind of feeling god invented to punish us to make us realise. to make us grateful?(but i know it doesnt work on some people) but sometimes i still dont think it helps! maybe thats why there are kind people and not so kind people.(haha) like some who will stick with you, no matter how shitty you treat them, and those who cannot take shit and walk out of your life. mostly, its not only we turn the kind people to not so kind people and then they'll walk away. thats only when we feel the pinch of that someone leaving. that someone walking away. you watch, as the distance between expand and gradually it just leaves you with emptiness and a broken heart. but, haha, too bad, get over it.

when i was walking home earlier today, i saw this lady, in a white sundress. and i think she was talking to herself because she was laughing so hard. she scared me. and i walked home damn fast after i saw her. she looked like she was after me. its like one of em nightmares where im being chased by a huge hamster ): OHK AND NO, she wasnt holding a cell to her ear, and NO, there was no earpiece and all that shit. scary how some people's thoughts get to them. i guess she was eitherr..

1. drunk?

2. or on her way home from a really nice date (doubt so la, quite ugly + quite old already),

3. mentally unsound,

4. just got hit by a bus and thinks shes in heaven already,

5. a monster in a human suit,

6. orrr..... dont know eh cant think of any more possible reasons, unless shes actually a guy of course and thinks she/he has fooled everyone by going out in a dress today, and is just having a sense-of-lame-accomplishment-laugh-home kinda thing.

/ignore me please. im thinking too much to be typing straight.

YOUR WONDERING WHATS WITH THE RANDOM PICTURES RIGHTTTTTT. shutup can? thats NPFC^ sounds nice la, but its just ngeeann footballclub. HAHAA LAMEEEE. YOU MUST BE WONDERING WHY ALL MY TEAM MATES ARE AS SHORT AS WEILING. HAHAHA. yehh they are as short as weiling, maybe shorter? dont think so la, weiling already damn short. anyway, that was taken at fico sports hub, fuck, THE CARPET GRASS IS GODLIKKKKKEEEEE. D'OHHHHHHH. aiya but must pay $$ to play la of course, things in SG where got free? I HAVENT COME TO GST AH. BLOODY GOVERNMENT SUCK MONEY, CHEEBEH!
aiya duwan ah? later i kena jailed. LOOK AT KP IN CAR RIDE. HAHAHA like mountain tortoise. i wanna hugg him! (HAHA I KNOW HIS COLLAR ABIT GAY, BUT HE'S GAY WHAT)OHK, speaking of, i think no team will be as strong as queensway's soccer team 04/05/06. damn now i sound like a bloody fag(I MISSSSSSSSS QUEENSWAY, HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA[NOOOOOOTTTTT] i just miss soccer with lyeheng and everyone)OHK I STILL SOUND LIKE A FAGGOT. SOMEONE SLAP ME, IM HAVING ONE OF THEM CAL RELAPSES)[fyi, cal=chao ah lian!]
hahahaha. ohk, enough can. thats my bro and me, tho he's not as half as gay as he looks, he's nice. HAHA NICE CAUSE HE ALWAYS LENDS ME MONEY WHEN IM COMPLETELY BEANLESS. HAHAHAA. not taking advantage alright, thats just the benefits in having siblings! THO THE REST OF MY SIBLINGS ARE FREAKING STINGY CHILLI PEPPERS. sometimes i wanna slap them myself. of course having siblings comes with BOTH pros and cons, well, like sometimes i get irritated cause theres so many fucking people at home to snatch the durians. grrr. haha dont ask me why!

we are all searching for someone. that special person who will provide us what's missing in our lives. someone who can offer companionship or assistance or security. and sometimes if we search very hard, we can find someone who provides us with all three. yes, we are all searching for someone. and if we can't find them, we can only pray they find us.

HAHA anyways i found that and now the theme song is basically stuck in my fucking head. anyways, "Vicious" piranhas are really wimps. i got that from YAHOOOO and I THINK IT SOUNDS FUNNY. 'Despite their fearsome reputation, piranhas are wimps that gather in large shoals to protect themselves from predators, scientists said on Monday. Rather than aggressive killers, research shows piranhas are omnivorous scavengers.' HAHA what scientists are trying to tell you is that if you see one, dont run away, try and catch it!

trust is a fragile thing. once earned, it affords us tremendous freedom. but once trust is lost, it can be impossible to recover. of course the truth is, we never know who we can trust. those we're closest to can betray us. and total strangers can come to our rescue. in the end, most people decide to trust only themselves. it really is the simplest way to keep from getting burned.

AUTOBOTS, ROLL ON!! you know something.................... I DO NOT SUCK AT MARIO, YUSONG AND WEILING KEPT LAUGHING AT ME. IM GONNA PRACTISE RIGHT AFTER I POST THIS PIECE OF CRAP. & i think the weather sucks donkeys. THE WEATHER IS WHY IM HOT, HOT. anyway, saturday was damn fulfilling! hhahaha. similarly! i met alot of people. HAHAHA.i think i have this special thing for meeting alot of people. or maybe its because im just so cool and popular. damn, im like a Harry Potter. HAHAHA. OH fuck. i wanna watch transformers again. BECAUSE I REALLY AM MEGATRON, LEADER OF THE DECEPTICONS. AND I WANT TO MEET OPTIMUS PRIME BECAUSE HE IS MY HERO♥ ♥ ♥.(and then i can kill him with my sweet arm blades, not because i want to but because i have to, because according to the wikipedia i(megatron) am 'very powerful and utterly ruthless'.) TRANSFORMERS, MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE. TRANSFORMERS, ROBOTS IN DISGUISE. AUTOBOTS WAGE THEIR BATTLE TO DESTROY THE EVIL FORCES OF THE DECEPTICONS. TRANSFORMERS, MORE THAN MEETS THE EYEEEEE. TRANSFORMERS, ROBOTS IN DISGUISEE. TRANSFORMERS, MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE, TRANSFORMERS!
ok fine somethings telling me to shutup the hell up. but i cant help it! 10 MORE DAYS BEFORE HARRY POTHEADS FIFTH MOVIE OPENS. CAN ANYONE TELL THAT I CANNOT WAITTTTT? no im not gonna recite the Harry Potter theme song, or whatever. &19 MORE DAYS TILL HARRY POTTER & THE DEATHLY HALLOWS IS REALEASED. I THINK 2007 IS THE SHIT BECAUSE ALL THE AWESOME MOVIES AND ...(ive only got awesome moveis alright.) ARE OUT. likee.... TRANSFORMERS TRANSFORMERS TRANSFORMERS TRANSFORMERS TRANSFORMERS HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER HARRY POTTER PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN SPIDERMAN SIMPSONS SHREK3 (you can stand under my umbrellaaaa ella ella ey ey ey)(I JUST SAW THAT ON MTV OHK.) i really really neeedssss to watch harry potter. BADLY. OH, for those who i spoiled spiderman&pirates of the caribbean, HAHA CHILL CAUSE IM NOT GONNA SPOIL TRANSFORMERS BECAUSE ITS TOO OVERLY AWESOME AND YOU HAVE TO GO FUCKING WATCH IT. i think im crazy sometimes, i like to watch my favourite shows over&over&over&over again. if you know me well enough you'd know! HAHA, like LOTR& harry potter!& troyyyyyyyyyyyyy& TRANSFORMERS& STARWARS!& pearl harbor! damn ohk, i think if i carry on i'll never end this post. HAHA. ohk, anyway, if you were wondering why the random pictures(SO UNLIKE ME BECAUSE IM A BUMMER WHO DOESNT UPLOAD PHOTOS ON HER BLOG), told you SATURDAY was fulfilling right, i was about to get there just that i got a little carried away, HAHA OK VERY CARRIED AWAY. but ok, on saturday, i met carm sab & liane. then we bumped into jeremy & hongwei & ceya & QL & danny & some other random people la but i only know these few can? spent the night at MOS& the pictures are up!but, i think it sucked, i got tipsy over 1 bloody shot, uhhh and it tastes like monkey crap. alright, alright, & you must be wondering whos the indian dude.(you know the one in the white flower print shirt(flower like kt's peesai) who brought his fellow padawans along with him?)
INDIAN DUDE=RAM=RESPECT!=$1000.HA HA!(i know he looks like a monkey on drugs but, RESPECT)